Contravention of the Batchelor Act
Troy Cedric William Gahlager Murphy, You have been found Found Guilty by these persons here present that on the 14th of this month you intend wilfully and with heineous forthought to contemplate contrevavention of the batchelors act.
Where the Minister has reasonable and probable grounds to believe that an institution has contravened any of the provisions of this Act or the regulations, an inspector designated by the Minister in writing may at any reasonable time enter upon the premises of that institution to make an inspection for the purpose of determining whether or not the institution is in contravention of this Act or the regulations.
It is the finding of this here Kangeroo court specially convened for this purpose that you stand guilty as charged . (All who agree say aye, or too right mate)
The maximum penalty for this charge includes a free one way rail ticket to Kalgoorlie in a full body cast. Alternatively the maximum penalty may include dyeing of the offender in a smurf shade of blue from the waise down.
Todays proceedings however (in the light of woosie public prosecutors) and in due consideration of the impending fate of the accussed have decided on the following course of action:
Bailif, please read the courts decision:
We the people Sentence you to:
· A life of penal servitude without the possibility of parole.
· Put up with stockings over the rail in the bathroom
· For the improvement of the accused left foot to take part in an immediate demonstration of the wedding waltz with this here replica. (given broom)
· That you be given a companion for this evening to carry with you to get you used to your new role. (give him ball and chain)
· should you be unable to answer 8 ellen/girl related questions you will be fed marshmallows until the words chubby bunny are indisciferable. You will not be permitted to swallow the marshmallows until instructed to do so.
Members of the jury do you have your questions?
· Are you ready for your questions:
1. What is Ellen’s favourite card game?
2. As a couple you have a “song” please sing the chorus?
3. If Ellen says which dress do I look better in, the blue one or the sage one, which would you pick?
4. When Ellen was a child she had a favourite doll named...? troco
5. What makes cooking chocolate different from normal chocolate?
6. What company makes the fragrance “organza”? (gevinchy)
7. What are chemical peels, cold beam lasers and dermabrasion? Beauty therapy skin treatments
8. Is the birthstone for August a sapphire, opal or moonstone?
9. What will be the date of your second d wedding anniversary?
10. What is the airspeed velocity of a fully laden swallow?